What is marriage, but a pledge, a covenant of mutual loyalty, fidelity, and support?
Why should that be?
Sexual intimacy is the kind of intimacy specifically authorized by marriage.
Why does sexual intimacy require a covenant of mutual fidelity and support?
Sexual intimacy involves the exchange of micro-flora (fungi, yeasts, molds, etc.), micro-fauna (bacteria, etc.), small insect pests (cooties!), and gametes. Micro-flora, micro-fauna, and small insects that the body is not used to can cause drastic changes in health, including death. Gametes, of course, can cause drastic changes of health.
We think we have modern miracle medicines that overcome the health problems. But that medicines, themselves, tend to cause health problems. Too much of the strong antibiotics necessary to control syphilis, for instance, can cause the body to have serious adverse reactions. We should not want to deliberately put our bodies at that kind of risk.
I'll note unwanted pregnancies in passing here. Condoms slip, develop pinprick holes, and have manufacturing defects, etc. And it is really easy to forget them in the passion of the moment. And, no, abortions are not easy on the female body. This should be enough discussion of this question.
How do we avoid these kinds of dangers?
Simple. Limit the number of people we get that intimate with.
If no one ever had sex with any but one partner, there would be very few sexually transmitted diseases, and there would be zero chance of them being spread in epidemic numbers. No matter what your attitude about sex outside of marriage, this principle cannot be argued with.
This is part of the reason for mutual fidelity.
But mutual support?
What happens when one partner gets cooties because of a hygiene slip-up? Mutual support in this case is that the partner with cooties will go to the trouble of getting rid of his or her own bugs, and stick around to help the other partner get rid of the shared infestation.
When this kind of relationship is forced, one partner or both is likely to break the agreements, which allows for the spread of disease and other undesirable results. This is why love is the appropriate motivation for this kind of relationship, instead of greed or tradition or power relationships or such.
Especially instead of power relationships.
They say you can't rape the willing. They are wrong.
Mutual rape is still rape. It's about power, not love.
Now, I have spent a bit of words discussing physical intimacy.
Sex also involves emotional and mental intimacy. (Did I forget to say that up there? I guess I didn't want to get distracted.)
Yeah, certain people do seem to feel more comfortable with anonymous sex. (Do I need to point out that that requires multiple partners?) I'm not going to try to discuss such here -- anything I could say about that is likely to be wrong in some cases, so it really would be a distraction.
Most people looking for sex are looking for that emotional and intellectual intimacy. That's the part that makes the release of the hormones in the brain complete. And that's what they don't get when they don't settle down with a single partner.
Sex without these promises tends to be done under power relationships. Think about this.
You can't buy love.
You can buy greed, lust, desire, attention, and all sorts of other things, but you can't buy love.
And you can't force love. Again, you can force what you can buy. You can even force loyalty, which you can't really safely buy. But you can't force love.
There is one exception to the rule about buying love. In some cases, loyalty can be a coin of exchange with which love can be bought, but that requires both partners to give the same coin. And then it's no longer forced, and no longer bought.
That's one reason why some people stay in abusive relationships -- hoping that loyalty will be returned, and the relationship be converted to a relationship of love.
Is it not apparent that the covenant of loyalty, fidelity, and mutual support should be up front, and unfeigned? That such pledges be respected by society instead of torn down?
(Posting this in my freedom blog, as well.)
