Tchaikovsky and Sexuality

Thinking about Tchaikovsky and his gender issues.

I was under the impression, for a long time, that it was generally assumed that he was intersex -- that it was, indeed, considered more than just a possibility that he was as close to a true hermaphrodite as we have knowledge of. Now I see that such interpretation has not been at all common, that the general interpretation is that he was gay, even though that is hard for some people to settle.

I personally can hold three or four related, but different, interpretations in my head at once.

I don't believe in what is currently called gay, personally, but I am willing enough to allow others to believe in it, and I am willing to try to work in their paradigm -- as long as they have a mutual respect for me and mine.

I don't believe in the current medical practice of gender transition, but, again, I am willing to allow others to believe in the paradigms that work for them, and I am willing to try to work in their paradigm when necessary -- only as long as they are willing to let me and mine, and any others who do not agree with them, work in ours.

Mutual respect is required.

(Yes, this is intimately related to the freedom of religion and freedom of speech clauses in the US Constitution, but that is a rant for another day.)

Mutual respect is required, even if some people are unwilling to understand that allowing others to hold a different paradigm is not automatic disrespect of one's own.

Back to Tchaikovsky, with the caveat that I know I am going to offend some people. If you are not willing to allow me my paradigm, don't bother reading this. It will hold no meaning for you.

There is a reason why artists often operate on the edge -- wait. No.

There is a reason why artists often operate beyond the edge of the shared social semantic set.

There is a reason why art is born in the crèche of confusion and forged in the furnace of affliction.

(Art is a lot like faith, especially in this.)

There is a reason why purveyors of etiquette easily become Pharisaical, even hypocritical in their enthusiasm. Etiquette sets the near bounds of the shared social semantic.

You think I have wandered from the topic again. Actually, I have not wandered from the topic at all. The topic reaches into a lot of other topics.

Why did Tchaikovsky not pursue Désirée Artôt, leaving her to be influenced by rumor and inconvenience to marry an associate still younger? Why was he even ever interested?

Why did he marry Antonina Miliukova, in spite of being aware that he had little patience for the woman? 

Why did Tchaikovsky and his patroness, the widow von Meck not marry, not even meet except a very few times by accident?

Preoccupation with oneself is often seen as an attractive quality.

Bear with me on this. If you look at a desert scene, nothing really catches your eye until something moves. 

If you look out at Zion's Canyon from Angel's Landing, the view is breathtaking, but you have to look for things that stand out unless you see a vehicle moving way down below or people on the trail up.

It's the same with a tropical wilderness. It's not until something moves that your attention is grabbed, and it is not just about safety and the search for possible prey.

Even in pre-school, the kids who move on their own are the ones who grab attention.

Okay, it is not just preoccupation with self. It is not just narcissism. It is also the ability to lose oneself in pursuit of something interesting or grand.

This sense of self has nothing to do with Greek ideal proportions, but it is the actual center of all aesthetic.

If you remember Happy Days, think of the Fonz. If it moves, it's cool. Until it jumps the sharks.

A diva can become tiresome, particularly to a creative who needs to focus on his own art.

A fellow divo is usually going to go wandering of to his own art pretty soon, so is attractive, but not burdensome.

And, from the point of view of the diva, the divo is interesting until it becomes clear that he is not ready to come running when you want and go away when you want.

Having gotten to this point, I think I realize that I'm not really ready to belabor the point I have just made, and I'm not really ready to proceed beyond it.